Oklahoma Sooner Schooner Mishappenings Power Ranked by how Funny I Think They Are:
Is the Sooner Schooner cool? No, really. Is it? I can’t tell. I don’t think so though. But maybe it is. I mean the mascot is a wagon. That can’t be cool right? But then again I am a fan of the Hoosiers and their mascot is a fucking rock so there is not much room to talk. Regardless, Oklahoma’s mascot is a wagon.
The Schooner made its debut in the 1964 season. Since then, it has been a staple at every Oklahoma home game and bowl game. Every time that the Sooners score, this wagon comes chugging along onto the field, pulled by 2 horses. They do a little loop and head back through the tunnel. Very neat, I suppose.
However, things are not always hunky dory with this giant wagon. There have been several “epic fails” as we used to say. All of them have been very funny. But which one is the funniest? I woke up early on a Saturday to get to the bottom of it. You’re welcome. Let’s begin:
4. Tip over in ‘93:
Alright so this one is the famous one that is played on that random sports bloopers DVD that your dad has tucked away in a drawer in the basement. While this is still funny, it is lacking the key essentials to take it into hilarity range. First off, one guy jumps off before the thing even flips. That’s cheating. Also, the horses try to keep running, but they just fucking give up. That’s not their job. Their job is to pull that wagon at all costs god dammit. They just give up and stop. The announcers claim how hard the wagon went down, but I just simply disagree. That was a leisurely fall if I have ever seen one. It basically glided to the ground. Not hardcore.
However, this is a classic moment in college football history and its place on this list is most certainly warranted. The funniest part of this clip to me is simply the number of people that come out onto the field to help the people who have been flipped. I did a very rough estimate and counted 34 on the screen, with several others likely lingering in the distance. There is no way that this incident calls for that many people out there. There are not 34 tasks to complete after something like this happens. Absurd. NEXT.
3. Comes out early, causes 15 yard penalty in ’85 Orange Bowl:
Alright so this one is great because it had real in-game repercussions in the Orange Bowl. In 1985 the Sooners kicked a field goal that went in. However, they had ineligible numbers lined up in the wrong spot or some shit like that. All of those types of rules confuse me so I don’t know exactly what it was. Anyway the Sooners get penalized for that, but no one told the Schooner driver about the flag. He rides out onto the field happy that their team had just scored, and he gets the wagon stuck in the mud out on the field. Imagine the panic inside the driver at that moment.
Not only is the wagon stuck on the field in embarrassing fashion, the wagon also gets hit with a delay of game penalty. Apparently he had permission from the “Orange Bowl” to ride out there, but not permission from the officials? Who knows how that works, not me. And it’s Saturday and I do not feel like doing that much research. Go ahead, take my Pulitzer away from me! Anyway, so now they have to rekick the field goal, but 20 yards further back. They end up missing the second field goal attempt and go on to lose the game. Barry Switzer was a very angry man after the game. Very funny.
2. Guy gets dragged, still waves flag ‘18
Alright so this one is a tale of perseverance and dedication. I am not sure how this gentleman began to fall out of the Schooner, but by the time the wagon turns and we get eyeballs on him he is already halfway out of it. He continues to slip and fall out of the wagon until he is being held by his ankles and dragged along the ground on his back.
But this man is a man of character, a man of dignity, a man of honor. He woke up that morning and thought to himself, “I am waving this flag today even if Zeus himself strikes me down with a bolt of lightning.” As he is getting dragged on his back through the end zone and towards the tunnel he continues to wave that glorious OU flag. The man simply did his job.
He waves it like he himself is about to win this football game for the Sooners. I love this guy. When he gets to the tunnel he ends up dropping the flag and tries to free himself loose from the wagon. Once he is freed he does a pseudo-somersault and then gets back on his feet while showing just the slightest, tasteful glimpse of crack. I like to imagine this video with the classic cartoon noises. You know the ones. Pick some of them and imagine them over this video. Hilarious.
- Tip over in ‘19:
Alright so this one is the grand-daddy of them all. The reason I love this one above the rest of them is the fact that I think it’s gonna be just like the tip over in ’93 but there is a crazy twist at the end. The wagon tips over and then when it hits the ground a secret compartment busts open and it fucking explodes with trash flying all over the place. The sheer amount of debris that flies out of this wagon alone is enough to give it the top spot. Why is there so much fucking garbage in that wagon man??? I can’t believe it. It made tears come down my face the first time I noticed all that loose junk on the field.
On top of that we have some more intangibles here that give it the top spot. The announcer commentating on the young lady’s roll out is tremendous. “When she hits the ground… NICE ROLL. That’s what they teach you in Jiu Jitsu Joel” We have the wagon fall off of the frame and the horses just continue to chug along. Did the horses not notice when their cargo became 5 times lighter? Probably. But they just continue to follow their assignment anyway. Great horses. However, this leads to a mini-trench being created that goes from the 10 yard line all the way through the back of the end zone. Add all of this up, and it is impossible not give it the top spot here. Just imagining everyone having to come pick up all the garbage and fix the field before they can play again is just so fucking funny to me, and it should be to you too.
Alright that’s all. Happy Saturday Everyone!
